Andrew P Street is the Internet

Oh, Internet.

I know, it’s been ages. And I’ve written a lot. Like, a stupid amount of stuff.

Like what, you may justifiably ask.

Oh, let me tell you.

There’s a You Am I interview in Rolling Stone, and a scathing review of The Internship for the Sunday Telegraph, and the current Australian Guitar has my Black Sabbath cover story.

For stuff online that I can actually link to, there’s a tonne of stuff. For one thing, I’m now doing some writing for the Guardian’s Australian operations, which is why I interviewed Ralf Hütter from Kraftwerk and reviewed Matthew E White’s show at Vivid.

I did some pieces for the Vine, including this handy guide How to Die on Mars.

Time Out, of course, has a load of stuff. Like, oooh, the opening of Newtown Social Club, Godzilla, You Am I, and other articles I’ll get linked up as soon as they go live.

And there are some snide things about the guy who invented the GIF and the alternatives to Bananas in Pyjamas.

And my regular Time Out columns: latest one is me admitting to not being a drinker anymore (and how much that sucks) in Prisoner of Sobriety, and there’s also When is it appropriate to wear a onesie, Why Coffee is Great and this year’s hottest book to film adaptations.

And, of course, there’s my news for the Vine, of which there’s been a lot. Here’s two weeks of them:

Sexists annoyed that they can’t even be sexist without being branded sexists – 10 Things

 Sales of Orwell’s 1984 up by 7000%, definitely unrelated to government surveillance – 10 Things

 Man sends unsolicited dick pic, recipient forwards to his mum – 10 Things

 So, who do you reckon will be PM tomorrow? – 10 Things

 Elderly man visits doctor with tummy trouble, finds out he’s biologically female – 10 Things

 Happy nothing-interesting-happened-in-Tiananmen-Square day, China! – 10 Things

 Kitty smuggles phones into Russian prison no we’re not making this up – 10 Things

 “Ugly Hoe” latest entry in hot new yearbook caption-changing trend – 10 Things

…and I promise I won’t leave it this long again, principally because I forget what I’ve done. It’s been a weirdly full-one little while.

Yours ever,

APS

Morning,

It’s a mini-update, really, because there’s been minimal stuff published this week. A lot of actual writing, mind, as will become clear in future issues of Time Out, Blunt and Rolling Stone, but in terms of things you can click on right now… it looks pretty pathetic. But: there’s my column at Time Out this week is How to stage a successful music festival. And, of course, there’s a bunch of 10 Things at the Vine, such as…

 Paul McCartney attacked by, duets with giant swarm of Brazilian grasshoppers – 10 Things

 Girls Gone Wild founder heading for jail after Girls Gone To Police – 10 Things

 Giant boozed-up monster attacks Ghostbuster and Stormtrooper – 10 Things

 China’s official newspaper moves into state-of-the-art Penisdome – 10 Things

I think there should be a Spring Breakers film review somewhere around too. Hmm. I should hunt it down.

Yours ever,

APS

Morning, Internet,

So, what’s been happening in the bit of the world that’s made entirely of things I wrote over the last couple of weeks? Not enough, obviously, but a fair whack.

There’s some good things, like this piece on Why it’s okay to shame OkCreeps, and  7 reasons why ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ makes no sense, both for the Vine.

My Time Out columns have been explaining Why should we bother with ANZAC Day and Why Fred Nile wants a referendum on marriage equality, so expect things to get a lot more pop-culturey in the coming weeks. There’ve also been some music things, like my interviews with Deftones and the Sunnyboys and a review of the two Sydney They Might Be Giants shows. Oh, and my one sentence album reviews - and I wrote an obituary for Chrissy Amphlett at Mess+Noise. The New Blunt has quite a lot of CD reviews of mine as well.

And, of course, my Vine news – which looks like this:

 You can’t name your baby Anal in New Zealand for some reason – 10 Things

 Roaming gangs of sherpas terrorise Everest – 10 Things

 Puny humans lose legal challenge from mighty bee overlords – 10 Things

 Breathalysers: they’re not just for drunk drivers anymore! – 10 Things

 Curiosity Rover draws mighty space wang on Mars – 10 Things

 Hipster Jesus campaign totes going to make Catholicism cool and popular – 10 Things

…and At least it’s the Earth itself trying to kill us instead of some nut with a bomb, right?  - 10 Things, and Nation’s pro-humping agenda produces 23 millionth Australian – 10 Things.

So yeah, stuff. There’s been stuff. Hopefully there’ll be even more by the next update.

Yours ever,

APS

Dear the Internet,

It’s Friday, so about time to assess my worth as a human being by counting up the amount of words I wrote that got published.

And it’s low.

That’s at least partially because a lot of said words are for magazines that are yet to be published, or (in the case of Cosmos and, next week, Time Out Melbourne) published but not yet online), but even so: it’s a fairly pathetic haul.

That said: here’s my Daily Life piece In Defence of Marriage, about marriage being a thing that people should be able to do. Also, here’s a wildly positive review of the new Underground Lovers album Weekend, which is fantastic, at mess+noise. And this week’s column for Time Out in Sydney and Melbourne, Should Alan Jones Just Shut The Hell Up? (spoiler: yes. Yes, he should).

And four days of news for the Vine, which was rather like this:

 My my, doesn’t NZ look more progressive than certain other Australasian countries? – 10 Things

 Nun heading to sainthood via holy miracle of poo – 10 Things

 Heroin, 2013 could be your greatest year yet! – 10 Things

 Hugh Jackman remains safely unpubed by stalker – 10 Things

…and that’s pretty much it. Will next week be the week I feel like I’ve achieved a damn thing in what I laughingly refer to as my career? Let’s find out, gang!

(spoiler alert: no.)

Yours in desperate gratitude,

APS

Morning, Internet,

I’ve been scribbling away frantically on a lot of magazine stuff for Time Out, Blunt and Australian Guitar, plus some big awesome pieces that I’ll boast about later, but there’s a couple of columns for Time Out – my In Defence of Hipsters piece is in Sydney this week, while Melbourne’s gotten a big ol’ rant about The Gentle Art of Heckling (complete with an old photo of me sans beard. It looks weird and wrong). Oh, and I did a thing about Daft Punk’s Wee Waa listening event for Time Out in which I got snarky about upcoming albums, and also did a Fasterlouder piece on Margaret Thatcher’s Five Greatest Contributions to Pop.

And of course I’m up at an ungody hour Monday-Thursday to tell you all about what’s happening in the world. For example:

 Life becomes bad cartoon as man ties puppy to railway tracks – 10 Things

Why do Girl Guides oppose the sexy, sexy operation of the free press? – 10 Things

 Fatal stroke suspected of left wing bias – 10 Things

 Naked man wins whiskey from crocodiles – 10 Things

I think I’ve a Daily Life piece appearing today too. Still, seems a bit thin. So, let’s do a bunch more next week, huh?

Yours ever,

APS

So, how are you doing there, internet? You’re looking well.

I wrote a lot of stuff lately. Seriously. A lot.

Here’s one of the best things: an interview with David Lee Roth for Time Out. The man is freakin’ nuts. And here’s a PVT for Fasterlouder.

I wrote a review of The Host for the Sunday Telegraph, and various other Sunday News papers, and look: let’s just say it’s a big ol’ stinker. On the other hand, Ross McLennan’s album The Night’s Deeds are Vapour is pretty damn good, as I point out at mess+noise. Oh, and I did  Time Out piece on Sharetapes, which is a pretty decent thing.

Have I also written a bunch of Time Out columns, you ask? Why, yes: here’s my Open Letter to Sydney Public Transport, my exhortation about Getting Back to the True Meaning(s) of Easter, and my powerful, moving screed In Defence of Hipsters, which has a reasonably solid masturbation joke in it.

And of course we have the news at TheVine for the last couple o’ weeks. There at least a dozen decent jokes in these eight pieces – see if you can spot them all!

 Sorry, we have a NEW winner for dumbest April Fools Day prank – 10 Things

 We may have a winner for dumbest international April Fools prank – 10 Things

 Will the forthcoming Korean War II: Son of Korean War match the original? – 10 Things

 Princess Diana’s drag king past – revealed! – 10 Things

 Don’t mess with the furious fists of Raging Biebs – 10 Things

 Windbag vs Wind: Trump pledges to save Scotland from electricity – 10 Things

 New Pope addresses the vital issue of Batman – 10 Things

 Spice reality show to discover new skinny, sulky-looking clotheshorse? – 10 Things

And there’s probably some more, but damned if I can remember them right now. Load of Australian Guitar stuff, certainly, and some Blunt stuff, and there’s got to be more Time Out wordage that I’m overlooking.

So tired. So very, very tired.

Cheers,

APS

Morning, internet,

So, in the interests of mad self-aggrandisement, let’s have a look over the last week and a bit and assess whether I’ve done anything much that’s useful.

The new issue of Time Out is out in Melbourne, while Sydney’s out on Wednesday, with a slew of my words in ‘em. Among the stuff there are interviews with They Might Be Giants, Ben Lee and Margaret Cho, and my columns for the last two weeks are hopefully entertaining enough: Why All Albums Should Be Ten Tracks Or Less, and Ten Things the New Star Wars Films Will Require (Going By Recent Trends).

My John Lydon interview at Fasterlouder is probably the best interview I’ve had in a while (entirely because of him, I should make clear).

But my favourite thing that’s up this week is my rant at the Vine: How To Not Be Called A Rapist. I write quickly when I’m furious.

And of course, here’s a round up of all the Vine news for the last little bit:  Finally, we’re getting Star Wars hologram tech – 10 Things

 Gandalf to marry Captain Picard – 10 Things

 Well, maybe Satan actually DOES look like Obama, ever think of that? – 10 Things

 Gillard declares she’s staying put so let’s all speculate about her leaving some more – 10 Things

 Yeah, maybe DON’T let your toddler take hits from your bong – 10 Things

 Jerk shark gets man fired for saving children – 10 Things

 Nuanced political debate in the Rudd Australian press about Rudd politics Rudd – 10 Things

Next week: David Lee Roth interview, a bunch of things from Time Out will be live, and hopefully a screed or two. Still feel like there could be so, so much more being done…

Yours ever,

APS